Have you ever heard about the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman?
If you haven’t, get excited because this stuff is seriously game changing. In fact, the concept of ‘love languages’ and how to communicate them effectively is probably one the best relationships tools out there.
And yes, admittedly the actual book itself, is a little fluffy, full of cheesy truisms and perhaps a little antiquated, I still seriously dig this book.
The concept is stinkingly simply, it makes a truckload of sense and it works!
So what’s this whole Love language bizzo about?
In a nutshell, we all express and feel love differently. When it comes to giving and receiving love, you and your partner may be speaking two very different languages and understanding those differences can seriously help your relationship. In fact, it’s one of the simplest ways to improve it!
Let’s use me as an example:
Whilst I am a lover of words and a huge fan of gushy, verbal expressions of love, I in fact, feel MOST loved when my partner spends Quality Time with me. I’d take hanging out together, doing almost anything, over say, love letters or gifts. In return, I express my love by making sure I prioritise ‘our time’ over busy schedules, work commitments and anything else.
But this doesn’t mean my partner gives and receives love just like me. He has is own language. However, after learning what fills each other’s love tank most effectively, we have become very good at making sure we show each other love in the way we know the other likes to receive it the most!
Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages proved to be universal and comprehensive. Everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of these five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
Some people will instantly know what their love language is, for others, there may be two or three that resonate, however, there will almost always be a PRIMARY language that most fills up a person’s love tank!
To find out more about the Love Languages and the must read book by Gary Chapman “The Five Love Languages” click on the video below and learn why it’s so important to learn how to speak the language of your partner.
Watched the video? Great!
Let’s have a closer look at the Love languages plus some fun ways in which to speak them!
#1: Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Is your partner Words Of affirmation? Compliment them in front of other people. Tell them you love them each night before you go to sleep. Use words of encouragement wherever possible. Write a love letter and leave it somewhere they can find it. Send loving texts for no reasons.
#2: Quality Time
For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Is your partner Quality Time? Schedule weekly or fortnightly date nights. Keep the TV off during dinner. Find hobbies that can be done as a couple and enjoyed together. Plan getaways or a night away just for the two of you. Take 15 minutes before going to sleep to check in with each other in bed, leave the mobile off.
#3: Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Is your Partner Receiving Gifts? Remember: It doesn’t have to be expensive! Home- made gifts, practical day to day items, gifts from nature all say I love you. Away on holidays? Pick up a little gift that lets your partner know you were thinking of them. Doing the weekly food shop? Come home with a little treat- like your partners favorited dessert- to show they never left your mind even in Coles! Send flowers to their work or have a glass of champagne sent over to their table when you know they are out for dinner with friends.
#4: Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Is your partner Acts Of Service? Try and do things to help your partner out before they ask. Offer to wash the car or pick up the dry cleaning. Make dinner for your partner, give them a massage, run a bath for your partner to enjoy whilst you put the kids to bed. Ask your partner to list a few things they would love to have done for them, aim to tick off one a week
#5: Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Is your partner Physical Touch? Affectionately touch your partner in public. Hold hands, hug, kiss. Hug your partner when they return from work, let the hug linger before you begin to discuss your day. Foot massages, back tickles, late night cuddles whilst your partner is asleep. Nestle into their chest at night, they will sense it even when they are asleep. Play fight, tickle, wrestle.
No sure what language you or your partner resonate most with? No problemo! Click here to over to Gary Chapman’s website to take the quiz to find out!
In the comments below I’d love to hear what your love language is and ways in which you express and receive it? Does your partner have a different one to you? How does the whole concept of love languages shift your perspective on communicating love towards your partner?