How”s this for freaky!
It had been a particularly rough week. I was wrestling with the writing of my new book, and was feeling flat, stuck and totally miserable with self doubt. Nothing was flowing, I”d totally lost my mojo and there hadn”t been a moment in the previous three days I hadn”t wanted to throw my computer out the window. And then it happened. I completely lost my shit. I yelled at the wall, snarled at the neighbours cat, banged my forehead on my desk and then, to my surprise got on my knees and prayed.
Now I”m not much of a knee prayer as such. I”m more of an intension/affirmation kinda gal with a few prayers thrown up to my fav goddess “n” guides when I”m in a bit of pickle or in need of some extra inspo and/or guidance.
However, this very bleak Friday afternoon, tears running down my face, I was on my knees, begging to who ever was listening ( I wasn”t feeling too picky at this stage) to show me a sign I was on the right path, or if I was going to be really truthful, to somehow let me know I wasn”t completely OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND thinking I could write a goddamn book that wouldn”t totally suck!!!
It took an hour.
One freaking hour for the universe to respond in the most dramatic way possible with a spiritual angel in the flesh, Ms Gabrielle Bernstein, herself.
Let me just say that again! I went from crying my eyes out in my PJ”S to hanging out with one of the most inspiring, successful, and incredible women on the planet PLUS New York Times bestseller, Guru and spiritual queen B – Gabby Bernstein.
Well played universe. Well played.
So what do you say to the woman who inspires so many and asks why you”ve been crying?
I tell her that I”m writing but I”m struggling. She tells me “that happens”. I say to her ” I don”t think I have it in me” and she replies “The universe thinks otherwise”. Then I laugh and she doesn”t.
After that we talk online slots miracles and love, and about sharing your message with the world no matter how much it terrifies you. We chatter about the urge to self sabotage your work by living small, and how much safer that feels in the short term and how sucky it casino online turns out in long run. We speak about surrendering to something greater, letting go of expectation and outcome. She offers her advice, which I tuck into my pocket for safe keeping and she lets me in on a secret, which I keep, delighted that we are practically best friends now. Mostly however, the subject of the day is fear. Fear of love, success, failure and showing up fully.
“Putting it all out there is frightening. But you have to do it. Especially you, they”re showing you”- Gabby B
I want to kiss her. To smooch her pretty face right off. She had just given me the fuel to finish my book. To launch that puppy right out into the world and know in some spiritually weird way I”m supported.
The following week, as the fizzy excitement surrounding my chat with Gabby had settled, I wondered what might have happened if that day had gone differently. If there was no Gabby, no sign, no advice…would that have meant I wouldn”t have finished my book?
And you know what, I don”t think so.
While I LOVE the hints, nudges and big high fives, that universe gives out sometimes, ultimately, I reckon I knew I had it in me all along and that inner power, that self belief – even though it can wax and wane -is probably all that”s really needed to make your own magic happen.